Look at me, doing the blog thing….

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

YAAYYYYY!

Ashlyn

This is proving to be rather interesting. Strangely enough to those tutors and students who knew me when, I am no longer a slacker. In fact, I just got invited to join the honours Greek. Weeeird.

Juliette is behind me. Hi Juliette! *waves*

I’m hungry. I am going to make some oatmeal now, because I officially hate the dining halls now that I’ve worked in there. All hail the microwave!

I feel like such a horrible person. My girlfriend and I had a really hard discussionish thing yesterday. It was…well, hard. I shouldn’t have let the issue fester, and I shouldn’t have started talking about it when I was upset about other things as well. I shouldn’t have been so harsh. I should’ve waited until I could be with her and hold her. I’m disappointed in my actions.

At the same time, I needed to say it. I needed for it to change. It’s not that I would’ve left her if it didn’t change; I’m actually not sure if I would be able to leave her for anything. I would’ve gotten more and more unhappy as time went on though, and she wouldn’t have known why and it would’ve been bad times.

I have to think of a way to fix this. I honestly think that I need to get my shit together before I can really do anything more. I don’t even need everything fixed–I just need a job. I need to have enough money to live with some amount of comfort. Right now I’m like "wow, I hope I can eat next week," and that’s not a position I want to be in. Ever. I’ve applied for a million jobs, but I haven’t gotten any of them. I’m probably going to have to scrape some money together in the near future and get another car, from the auction or something, because my aunt is a frigid bitch who still has a license even though she’s 86 and can’t drive for shit, and she’s not going to move until she HAS to, which means she’s going to need the car. I’m going to miss Graham.

I’m taking a lot of frustration out on her. How do I stop this? I can’t believe that what happened yesterday was because of my words. I want to make everything better. As much as I ask her to be responsible, I want to take care of her, make her want for nothing. I want to have a stable living situation and be able to just lie around with her all day. I want to come home from work and go for a walk on the beach, and I want to go buy popcorn and salty/cheesy things for her half and M&Ms for mine, and start some random movie as soon as she comes home from class. I want us to have a clear path, and to not have to juggle. I don’t want to have to freak out and worry all the time. I don’t want to ever make her cry.

I need to be with her.

I’m here! I’m blogging! I think I’m going to do the thing that Juliette does, and actually use this as a journal. Well, sort of. I’ll use it as more of one than livejournal, at least.

So. Things have been going really well and really badly, in both succession and in unison. I’m moving into an apartment tomorrow; I just realised that I don’t have as much money as I thought I did. My favourite little brother died; my other siblings and I have gotten closer. I’m starting school and going nonstop til the summer after the summer after next; I’m going to graduate in 3 years. It’s a bunch of craziness.

I’m bored now. Later.